Saturday, September 30, 2006

my ultimate fcuktards;
we had our breaking fast session at Sakura's whereby everyone
blamed me for the inappropriate & unfavourable location.
oh thanks eh, and where were you guys when i planned it all?
pfffffffft, next time i shan't be in-charge of the outings & all anymore. HAHA.
headed off for sheesha at Al-Majlis; where ain decided to be a virgin at it.
some of us headed off early; i had to send Kak Rinny off to Dubai.
you should see me; i was a wreck when i was at the departure hall sending her off.
:'(
p/s: this note is for nurhafiz. " eh tu matair lama aku. dia handsome eh?"
kewack! seriously darling as much as i adore you,you need better taste in girls.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
ATTENTION YOU SAPIENS!i'll be performing tomorrow ( 1 October ) at Esplanade's Outdoor Chillout Stage at 7.30pm.
please do show your support & lorve for me; i'll be the actress & host laaaaaa. LOL.
anyways.
i find myself either a bisexual; or a paedophile.
what say you?
-laughs-a bisexual for i have a major crush on Giselle, this chick in my school. )=
and a paedophile for i think Christopher/Michael are blardy hot.
oh i forgot to add that they're probably around the age of one-five? pfft!
seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
i think i'm going kuku already. i need to straighten myself out.
LIKE SERIOUSLY.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006

i would recommend this dvd to be watched by you girls out there;
"The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants."it depicts the things of what the fairer sex usually find themselves
lost amongst & all the other complications alongside with it.
my eyes were brimming with tears almost to the end of the movie.
i swear.
a glass of meiji strawberry milk & dosage of haikel's jokes in between
made my whole day so worthwhile; with the dvd of course. <3
i'm in need of fake wings for my sunday's performance.
any bloody idea where i could rent/get cheap ones or so? pfft.
luckily i have this friday's shopping excursion with Adibah baby;
she could accompany me search for one at Toys 'R' Us/Masquerade.
ohhhh and yes.
Rialto's the band to listen to now; slow indie music i.e. Untouchables.
i'm digging it, y'all. for shizzle my nizzle yo! hahahahaha.
"
Maybe the truth is there's a little bit of the loser in all of us you know, being happy isn't having everything in your life being perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants, or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair. Making those count more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it. And that's all we can ask for."-The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants.
yes bailey darling, you spoke my thoughts.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
EMSIE, YOU STINKING DUCK!how can you be ogling at a bloody local malay
MANwhen it's supposed to be the holy month of ramadan now?!
god grief, i'm drooling horribly & my thoughts are wandering.
stttttooooooppppp, this is getting too far-fetched. hmph!
somehow rather, i would like to drone on & on about how much
i miss my poly mates already but i shan't.
everyone should vaguely get the idea now anyways. =)
this thursday would be the standard protocols for most of us;
those fashionably late ones, the loud chatters and the usual inside jokes.

seriously, i really miss you fcuktards.
oh and i miss my neighbours toooooooooooooo! )=
we're talking both rafiq & nurhafiz here, where are you boys!
ring me & we'll go out for more coffee sessions yes, neighbbies?


OH AND I MISS THIS KENTOT TOO! (above!)
seriously talking, i really haven't seen him & the rest for ages.
the times when we would play pranks on each other, the times they would
prevent me from smoking just because they dote on me......
aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh, i am going ballistic just because i miss them so much.
so many people to meet, yet so little time to squeeze.
drama rehearsals are taking a toll; please watch me this 1 October.
more details soon, that is if i can squeeze it out of Belle. hahaha!
oh btw, sheikh haikel's friend is like macam cute like that.
oh what the fish, ramadan season does not mean we're not allowed to
have crushes on random strangers riiiiggggghhhhttt?
and yes, i'm talking about baihakki khaizan too la. darn!
Monday, September 25, 2006
i felt like a beast with such an inclusion of the previous entry;
pardon me because i was not thinking straight.
the father's worried because i've been cutting myself out from everything.
don't worry daddy; your daughter's just in need for some seclusion.
right now, i'm quite comfortable with the teddy & One Tree Hill on my bed.
some injections of hollow-ness, but i know this will turn out okay.
"People think that if you love somebody hard enough then everything is just gonna work out. People are wrong."– One Tree Hillhappy fasting, sapiens.
p/s: congratulations hady mirza.
Sunday, September 24, 2006

grec says:
half malay and boyan je.
-eMsie- my laptop's being a bitch. says:
oooo! boyan; i'm jawa. my daddy cakap orang jawa & boyan enemies tau.
grec says:
dulu i ada kawan jawa tapi dier da mati.
grec says:
i bunuh.
-eMsie- my laptop's being a bitch. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
grec says:
serius
grec says:
name dia siti obek binte jenggo.
-eMsie- my laptop's being a bitch. says:
STTOOOOOPPPPPP! i get the picture already ok.
jim greco's such a clown;
don't worry he's just a different distraction, that's all. HAHA.
p/s: i'm in a dire need of a malay dictionary when i'm talking to him.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
i am high, jolly old gay-farked already.
so here i go; on my highway of happiness & nothing shall break me down.
the ladies.lyer;
for how we relate so well to everything. right up to my smiles & frowns, you have seen me at its best be it at my worst. my bang bang hero; swinging singles with <3.
sarah;
clubbing's our addiction; you're my ultimate dancefloor bitch.
andrea;
my bisexual partner-in-crime. kisses & fondles; yu make it happen.
ain;
my ex-girlfriend whom i'm happy for now. yu're my Hailey-Hope.
aisha;
the hot small one with her quirky nonsense; my drug.
joots;
we're the flirting royalties. throw in a good lad; & he's done for.
adibah isa;
articulate plus fucking strong; you're my idol & you know it.
the lads.fabian tan z.y;
the adorkable best friend for four years & running; my torch that illuminates strength.
andrew;
you owe me ten gorgeous lads from St. Pats; i adore you drunkard.
ilham;
my daily dosages of intellect. another playboy; mend yur ways ASS.
farid & ryan *st patricks*;
i only added you guys here because through yu; i get to ogle at the patricians. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. but you know there is more to our friendship than just magic & sarcasm; there's the patricians too. :P
i am very high; and i was supposed to go M.O.S tonight. )=
cancelled plans because i can't think straight right now,
i'm just very random & i talked far too much on the train just now.
and you.
YES YOU.i'll always love you; i don't care if you don't. but don't worry about me, i'm moving away, far far away from you where the land is much greener & where rangers kill monsters. i want to smoke sheesha there; and i shall dance semi-naked to fergie ferg all night long. but i'll hold on to a memory of you which is the only thing that keeps me strong everyday; your words. everytime i feel like breaking down, i hold on to your words of strength, faith, hope & love. someday i shall thank you;
for loosening the string to let me fly up into the big blue sky.
p/s: (god this entry sounds like i'm dying; WHICH I'M NOT.)
i'll be away for three days & two nights;
NTUC CHALET, here we come!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006

a ride through a rollercoaster of emotions;
up, down, round, twist, bends, elation, fear, shouts, tears, grip.
the brilliant intelligent mind that perks me,
the beautiful heart that commits itself to an unmistakable journey,
the caustic sense of humour that irritates me,
the undeniable patience when at times goes beyond limits,
the lips that kiss with such desired passion,
the strength that pulls me in spite of the disastrous flood,
the ego that i never got to see whenever i'm present.
the hurt i entrusted the person upon; yet never blamed for.
the love that i crave, that i'll die for and that is gone forever.
today marks a year & two months;
since my incomplete jigsaw puzzle left me for good.
if only. and that's where it will always be; if only.
the end full stop
Monday, September 18, 2006

i don't understand why my mother loathes jon jon leongie.
she is still persistent on me wasting my countless cents on hady mirza;
when she knows deep down inside i'm rooting for Jon Jon.
i believe it's time that our idol was a chinese man with a talent for other than
just rhythm & blues & who dances & dresses unlike Usher.
oh and it does help that;
jonathan leong posesses the most sexiest low-pitch vocals i've heard thus far.
you'll have atleast 5 dollars of votes from me, jon jon leongie.
it may not be enough; but i hope it'll be of much support for you lorve.
darn.
i sound like some
acne-prone, gee-i-just-hit-my-puberty deranged teenager.
Sunday, September 17, 2006

pardon me for a looonngg self-loathing entry on my side. i was apparently cruising through an acquaintance's livejournal entry and i couldn't help but feel on a little downside right now. the music on my ipod doesn't help either; i am actually listening to Marcell right this minute. tell me
what could even be more better than listening to emotional indonesian music & feeling a lot low at the same time? )=
i hate who i have become after all this years. i
was a person so full of self-confidence that bursted through my seams, and nothing could disintegrate those real walls that i built over the years. and so came people from different walks of life; from those girls who thought vanity & beauty was a must in this society to boys who judged women from just the surface only. and so i went on a journey to change myself. i thought, "what wrong would it do to me if i were to look a little pretty as long as the real raw deal was me beneath it all?" damn it, i bloody thought wrong.
everything changed. though i was accepted in the popular clique and boys started to notice me,
i wasn't the same anymore inside. i was more judgemental, more pessimistic, more cruel and less real each day. i couldn't find myself anymore. who's this new horrible alien that has eaten my insides? and even worse, because of this i lost the one man i loved my whole entire life besides my dearest father, of course. i thought if i had changed, this man would have loved me even more but instead, he hated me more each day i lost the old & real me. even my father is utterly disappointed in me & what kills me is that he's
dying. months have passed; let's not even start to say years. karma's been treating me like shit. school's been a bitch. friends seem so un-real. life seems random. FUCK LA! why do i have to grow up & learn about life so fast?
partying at nights doesn't answer my goddamn problems.
going for late suppers & dinners just don't make sense.
retail therapy & money doesn't help anymore.
hurting myself has become an immunisation process.
my values are gone; my principles have vanished.
who is this person inside of me? i don't know her anymore.
and i'm tired, really fucking tired.
Saturday, September 16, 2006

as quoted from Stephen King;
"It's not the pain I'm afraid of; I know about the pain. What I'm afraid of is the end of this small, sweet dream."actually that's pretty much true.
i find myself a very guarded person; i never open myself up to anyone.
but when i do, that's when trouble starts brewing all over again.
i could count with this tiny fingers of mine just about how many of those in my life have i
opened myself up to the extent of never being appreciated.
but don't fret baby, i'm not complaining.
lessons are meant to be learnt especially when we crumble & fall slowly on the
face of this earth that we were born in.
give me time & i'll surface stronger from it all. love.
dinner with the classmates later tonight, boy i miss you people.
p/s: did i tell you Patricians are mindblowingly gorgeous? )=
Friday, September 15, 2006



and so this sounds wrong coming from a
straight girl like me;
but i totally dig this ultra-gorgeous chick from my school.
thing is, i don't really know her name or anything much about her.
i can't give in too much information about her (as in those limited hints that i have),
because what if she does stumble upon this bloggie of mine?
*bangs*
and i can still remember how she turned & gave me a smile.p/s: don't worry; i still prioritise chingchong dick-heads the very most.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
something is wrong with me.i am spending my saturday evening ogling at hot chingchong boys on friendster. this is wrong! i cannot be having a chingchong galore online;
it feels bloody desperate.
whose idea was it to meet at 9pm on a saturday?
it is andrew and sarah and andrea and shaun and leong's fault!
if the meeting time was a little earlier,
probably i wouldn't be gasping at every hot chinese lad on friendster.
i better do an automatic shutdown right this minute;
i need to grab a shower & be dressed to kill for tonight.
(WHY OH WHY ARE CHINESE GUYS SO HOT?!)

When you look with your eyes
Everything seems nice
But if you look twice
you can see it's all lies
-Lily Allen
p.s. get me a blythe doll & mark darcy for my 19th, please?
Friday, September 08, 2006
i want to fly away for a quiet holiday in new zealand.
i wish i could pluck apples & flowers for myself.
i want to lie on a cornfield with the wind blowing in my face.
i would love to jump ten storeys high, to still be alive & kicking.
i wish i could tell my mother everyday, how beautiful she is to me.
i want to volunteer to take care of the orphans at Darul Ihsan.
i would love to stop socialising myself in such a flamboyant lifestyle.
i wish i was sixteen all over again, never to worry about a thing ever.
i want to be able to read the look on his face & the things in his mind.
i wish to take beautiful pictures of the moments that i'll lose over time.
thing is,
i always learn that wants/woulds/wishes don't come true.
the three W's is just afterall a bedtime fairytale story.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
i am so random today. i feel, eat & walk like a randomnised robot.
daddy took leave because he had to undergo checkups at NUH today. daddy bought me a huge, enormous & gigantic tuna croissant from Delifrance' because he said i look like a sickly child these few days. there was a hot white trainee-doctor at the National Digestive Centre. the mother made me laugh because she questioned me as to why the doctors couldn't fax daddy's blood down to the Heart Centre.
daddy drove me & mommy to the muslim cemetery to pay respects to late grandpa, yayi & nya'yi. i cried silently by nya'yi's grave because somehow feelings of fear enveloped me. i was scared because i didn't want to die, but i know someday i'll suffer the same fate as nya'yi. and i know i haven't been a good girl all this years. so i cried & i cried. yayi's grave was hit by a stupid tree, i was scared that yayi didn't have a good place to rest. i miss nya'yi though; daddy says i look like her uh.
daddy drove us to geylang to buy D24 durians, where we consumed them at east coast mac' cafe. i love the chocolate decadence thinggie daddy bought for me; he really wanted me to eat a lot these days. )=, oh and i saw idz with his chubby chub chubb girlfriend. i can't believe i used to date him for quite sometime, but he's cute laaaa. too bad, he has manners like an asshole. never mind, i'm a princess & princesses dont date assholes. yay!
ok then mommy had to take her curtains from some ahpek shop. so daddy drove me to a little corner where he taught me how to drive. it was scary at first, i even released the brake accidentally and the car went off for quite a few metres. i was screaming & daddy was pissed. hoho. but it was fun playing with the windscreen wipers though. :p
so i spent the whole day with my parents today uh. eh macam fun like that?! everything was paid for and you knowww whaaattt? daddy's bringing me out on a shopping spree tomorrow. *throws balloons* and paulliieee baby's out. oh whatever, jon jon leongie is still in what.
and i am going sentosa this saturday, ALONE. i need some me-time for myself. sort some things in my head, go finish reading up my books & snag a lifeguard or two. ok the last part was a joke; i don't dig singaporean lifeguards. i prefer my man with a simple, not too flamboyant lifestyle. eh this is random, ok. i hate that stupid farid, he smokes like a chimney & he always attack me with his witty sacasm. i don't care uh; to make up for all this you better buy me something with your pay tomorrow.
eh can anyone donate me their lego bricks? i want to make armour arh. like macam cool right? i learn this macam macam thing from that shaun heikkel boy la. stupid ron. hoho.
ok la bye bye.
i talk too much sometimes.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
it's my game now, baby.i don't give a second toot of how people are going to judge me. if only they know what hell i have gone through this few weeks of opening up to the extent of not being appreciated, then they would know better why i'm doing this.
pass me the dice, please? i'll have full control now.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
today was one of the
fresh-est day of my entire eighteen years.
a meetup with the old school mates & my favourite teacher,
what more could a girl like me have asked for?
mdm suriati treated us for lunch;where she had to pay 60 moockeroos.
and the pictures i took today,
trust me i was sick of posing perfectly all the time in front of the lenses.

you're the best,madam suriati. for all the things you taught me & for all the times you pushed me through, i am absolutely zilch without you. <3

suzielya & ema; at LerkThai. fantabolous food especially the kangkong belacan. did you know that our ms suzy here is a relief teacher at Hai Sing Catholic? superb one, baby. =)
the gang soon trudged down to macdonalds after lunch; and headed to play games at Macdonalds. We played Uno, Bluff And Panasonic Snap was my favourite of all three. The different themes judging from the ridiculous swear words to brand labels that blew the minds out of me. (in courtesy of elfi.) but the thing was, i was sooooo elated to have spent so much time with my a
DORKable best friend, fabian tan. we reminisced quite a lot. eh munchkin, good luck for your blooody 'A' Levels ok? soon after that, we'll hit the clubs & present to the world our retro moves. <33

my closest girlfriend then; nurul syahidah. her vulgar nursery rhyme was, " insy weensy penis climbing up the breast." HAHA.

the boy who claimed he dated paris hilton & that stupid geeky bestfriend of mine. swensens' was a blast with you fcuktards. <3


my a
DORKable best friend; fabian & i had an absolutely fantastic time cam-slutting with our respective digital cameras. we laughed over vulgar nursery rhymes that we invented i.e. "mary had a little dick" & "humpty dumpty sat on his penis." we talked & then we laughed over the old times when we rebelled against all the different teachers whom we loathe; and all those moments when he had my back & i had his. and growing up with him, we studied all night together before the 'o's & i still remember the first time i went clubbing with him.
he made sure that no white lecherous guy was to grope/touch me; and the dorky moves we invented were a god-sent,man. oh boy, i miss you. i can't wait to go ogle at wade robson with you & once i get my driving license, i'll call you up in the middle of the night with my rented car & we'll go rounding ok, best ass friend? <3


you people are the most happening bunch of crazy fcuktard asses that i adore too much; the whole of my tuesday has been simply great right up from the beginning. thank you, fellow beings. moooooooooooaaaaaaahhhhh.
and to end it all off on a high note,

this is me, siti ema binte sulaiman with a bod that andrew claimed to be a nine out of a ten. thank you arrrrhhh drunkard! even though i knew you were bluffing, you still rock my socks. <3
i was digging up some old letters that Zameer & I exchanged over during our relationship. 3am in the morning, with Boston playing on my stereos, i found some phrases i think many could relate to. oh & if you were wondering what i was doing reading letters at 3 bloody am in the morning, that's because i only decided to burn every memory of zameer & me. i can't keep on holding for a year already, can i? the memories are just a passing facade now. sighs.
phrases;- I'm scared of what I saw, of what I did, of who I became, but most of all I'm scared of walking out of this place and never feeling the rest of my life the way I feel when you're with me.
- the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy
- sometimes no matter how long you loved me, i might never love you back. & sometimes you have to be just ok with that, baby.
- the truth is, those things that i used to love & adore about you.... these are now the things i hate so much.
- i thought if i do such things, i would help you to just hate me a little bit each day.
- I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the first person i want to call & share it over with. I miss you when something is bugging me, because you're the one who would make everything seem allright again. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow, and kiss my tears away. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best times of my life.....that i just could never have again.
the end.
i have moved on from this whole shenanigans that has forbade me to explore the world & its offerings. i've missed out on a lot for the one whole year that i closed my heart & eyes, for nothing more than just zameer ali. & now that everything's back to normal again without the usual sleepless nights & peals of wailing, i want to thrust out there & do all the things i never managed to. i want to go wakeboarding, i think i should take up the pottery classes, i should spend more time with the parentals & mates, i should go skinny-dip one day, join hiphop dance classes & focus myself again on the theatrical drama.
there's just a tad too many things i want to do; and i will try to accomplish them. i miss being sixteen all over again. maybe this is the time for me to open up once again. only then, will i know my purpose of life.
word.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit
When I come to the clubs, step aside
Pop the seeds, don't be hating me in the line
V.I.P because you know I gotta shine
I'm Fergie Ferg
Give me love you long time
All my girls get down on the floor
Back to back drop it down real lowI'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho
Because you know what, I don't give a fuck
So here we go!
[Chorus (x2)]How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge want to go down
Like London London want to go down
Like London London be going down
Drinks start pouring
And my speech start slowing
Everybody start looking at you
The Grey Goose got the girl feeling loose
Now I wishing that I didn't wear these shoes
It's like everytime I get up on the dude
Papparazzi put my business in the news
And I'm gonna get up out my face (oh, shit)
Before I turn around and spray your ass with mace (oh, shit)
My lips make you want to have a taste (oh, shit)
You got that? I got the bass
mothergooseofaduck.i am blardeh much in lorve with this song that makes me want to just dance semi-naked in my room with chad michael murray gyrating his hips to mine. hoho.
didn't your mother tell you that girls can have fantasies, too?
Sunday, September 03, 2006
How on earth had she found herself in this situation? Just as soon as she was getting round to picking up the pieces of her shattered life, she dropped them all again and sent them scattering. She thought she had found a friend, someone she could confide in. She wasn't looking to become entangled in some ridiculous love triangle. And it was ridiculous because the third person wasn't even around. He wasn't even a possible candidate for the job.
- Holly Kennedy on P.S. I Love you -
i am a disgusting sight right now. dancing in my room, with Fergie's rendition of London Bridge. i am such a sucker for that song right now, i swear. it's been playing on my ipod for like hours & i'll be caught doing some gyrating moves all by my bloody self.
yes i sound pathetic, i know.and just a simple thank you note for farid.last night at holland village and the cab ride home was beautiful, just like every other night has been. be it one of the daily messages or online conversations right up to our dates i'll look forward to every single one of them. i'm always your sidekick, Salem-Man.
you still scare me; i don't want to get hurt cause' you're so out of my league.
Friday, September 01, 2006
people tell me that my sense of humour is horrible. )=
shafiq & me.i am surrounded by gorgeous people with beautiful minds each day. says:pratatechno? i dont know laaaaaaaa )= i suck at jokes.
shafiq says:kakakaka
u really suck la.
andrea & me.andrea likes to smell girls' breasts. says:emmmmmaaaaaa. please tell me something funny.
i am surrounded by gorgeous people with beautiful minds each day. says:white men make black babies in year 2010. how's that?
andrea likes to smell girls' breasts. says:fuck la. can you please be more funny? you're not funny. urgh.
farid & me.death & destruction. says:i don't care; i'm just going to find your weakness at solving riddles. this ain't fair,you know?
Farid.Blinded by the beauty within. says:haha.
come on, u've gotta try harder la babe.
are my jokes really not worth a good tickle in the tummy?
all this while, i thought i was the kind of chick guys dig because i would bring them to their knees, rolling away in hysterics.
pffffffft.
eh but wait a minute;
many think i'm quite intellectual & philosophical for an eighteen year old. now i can see myself as the smart chick & what will make men find
sexy about me?
my mind.