Saturday, October 28, 2006

I ONLY managed to collect green packets worth of 30moockeroos today.
not that I'm complaining,I'm just merely telling the world how growing up is not quite a good thing especially during this festive season. (big hint there iryan!)
sighs.
I love babies and.......I feel like I need to make babies right NOW.
geezus! where did that come from?!This must be the cause' of visiting Nek Busu's house,
and have Quraisha's hand clench tightly around my little pinky.
And so I smiled, and clenched my palm around hers.
Friday, October 27, 2006

I need to get a new digital camera, preferably one with 7 megapixels.
My puny little cousin who barely is in his teens has a seven point something something megapixels' camera with a bloody effing tripod stand, can?!
I swear he's growing up waaaaaaaay too fast. read: TOO FAST.
"little me has a digital camera that's even much fanciful than yours."
"little me likes having some peek-a-boo sessions in abang's Maxim mag."
"little me has a girlfriend who loves me so much, she's very pretty kno'."
"eeeee you don't have boyfriend, later you die alone how?"
Ok so those weren't the exact same words he said in Gran's place.
but I swear to God, it goes something along that line. ):
Muhd Iryan Bin Muhd Iraimi,
I like it so much better when you were 7 & I was cooing over you.
In direct terms, "Stop growing up to be such an ass!"
ho'well.
I can't blame him,
He's still a little boy like every puny dickhead I know out there.
Despite all I said,I still love you Iryan. :)
Thursday, October 26, 2006

My marketing lecturer commented something in reference
to our lecture on customer retention today.
"We are not God, it's not easy to forgive people of their mistakes."And so I let out a quiet sigh, right from my heavy heart.
Now I understand why.
It had to take Ms I-Didn't-Know-Phones-Have-Mp3's to teach me that.
A little note for a particular friend of mine;
As much as you refuse to forgive me of my wrongdoings after I have forgiven yours before, I am terribly missing our friendship or lack thereof. Tonight on MSN had seemed to be the final straw/blow for me. You acted strangely distant & I felt like I had to reach out so far to touch you. A year must have passed, or maybe less. But our journey must have surpassed longer than that because I relate so much to you, I barely kept note of the timeline of our friendship.
But you know what? Forget it. Forget the late night talks we had over random jiggies on the phone, Forget the hanging out seshies after work/school, Forget the endless MSN conversations. FUCKING FORGET IT. because you know why? It took me a year of emptiness to realise that I miss you and damn hell, you don't.
I think you've blocked me on MSN, "friend." whatever, balls. But you know what? If you ever really forgave my wrongs, I'm truly grateful because I'm deeply sorry from this pitless heart of mine. You'll be gone for another year in Thailand. I know I'll be the littlest fragment on your mind when you come back. So I want you to know before you go, Thank you for everything.
So much for a little note there. ):
I can't help but really really really miss my friend.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
As Lucius Seneca politely pointed out;
True happiness is to enjoy the present.......without anxious dependance upon the future. Lloyd commented that being 18 brings of no change to one's life;
hence I would like to differ.
I worry so much about growing up that every morning,
I try and prepare myself for the day's ongoings & circumstances.
Looking at this one particular classmate of mine,
I swear he barely even thinks of what tomorrow has to offer him.
And today, I suddenly vowed to just be free & let loose.
Boy, I did so & I felt so bloody refreshed all of a sudden.
Marina Square. Coffee. Business Finance. Cheescake. Strangers.
and to top it all of,
I allowed Smelly Rat to make me smile. :)
What a beautiful night.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
For those of you who can't comprehend the previous entry,
here it is for viewing pleasure. 0_0
This was done by Andrew & Paul out of sheer boredom! pfft.

................
Though i have to admit, both lads have a way of making me feel guilty.
all the bloody ma'effing time! ):
One Of Them Bad Pictures.1.flared-up nostrils
2.thick purple-ish lips.
3.fringe all over the place.
4.squinted cheena eyes.
and once again, Selamat Hari Raya AidilFitri. :)
Sunday, October 22, 2006

then again Andrew,
not all girls are evil.
You just happen to be dating the wrong ones, lorve.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Starbucks' baristas at Marina Square made me smile,
and so did Rina Alias.
i'm sorry, bang bang girlfriend; but it's for the best.
Friday, October 20, 2006
We are all architects of faith,
so look not longingly into the past it comes not back again.
Thursday, October 19, 2006

I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to mingle around with my classmates
but one week with them had definitely proved me wrong. ((=
The girls are absolute darlings & the boys are effingly hilarious!
I definitely regretted my actions as of last semester;
and indeed, I intend to prove my friends or parentals wrong.
Tomorrow is the twentieth.
In all due respect,
I hope my mother understands if I refuse to come home for just 1 night.
Listening to Jet on the ipod is of no help, either.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006




Sometimes I think I act like one of the boys themslves. )=
As much as I try to be girlish and lady-like in public,
i'll end up roughing it out or beating the living hell out of them.
HAHA.
Last night, I punched the living lights out of Nurhafiz at Al-Majlis.
Literally, it wasn't much of my fault as Hafiz practically left red marks
on my thighs for slapping my exposed skin more often than not.
"I'm a fighter, not a lover." I retorted back,
only to have Md. Hafyst laughing his ass off while we sheesha-ed. pfft!
HOWEVER.This indonesian lad probably didn't see that boyish side of me.
He left me with a compliment and a hug, which had me grinning smirkly.
Nonetheless, the boys were pretty much ignoring the expression on my face.
ohwells, they're seething with jealousy balls.
Sunday, October 15, 2006

This man, tengku mohaizzad bin tengku mohaizzad's dad,
is one of the most generous friends I have known in my life.
He gave us lots of free food from MacDonalds (only because
he works in MacCafe') i.e. cheescakes/nuggets/fries/iced coffee.
Name it, he has it for you.
so apparently my break-fast session was filled with lots of burping
& having to feel an extra layer of imaginary fats on my tummy. 0_0
I ADORE YOU, EZAD BIG EYED MONSTER!
Princess of Bandar Kovan, Nurulain Sari and yours truly.
she's such a doll; and as always our day/night-outs had been...
to me, there's not yet a word that can describe our awesome "dates."
apparently, she's the lesbian ex-girlfriend who just cannot seem
to accept the fact that she DID loved me at a certain point of time. pfft!
ohwells, one lives in denial when one's in love. HAHA.

VINODHEEEEEEEEEEEN!
allright enough screaming here girls, i adore this self-proclaimed hottie.
he brings in nuff' luck for me therefore i hereby declare Vin
as my lucky charm for the rest of my luck-less life. *winks*
please stop drinking too much, boncet-boy!
even though i know you would retort back with a " BUT I'M INDIAN!",
i can't afford to see you get wasted over drinks/chicks/ciggies/youknowwhat.
last night was a blessing in disguise.
who knew Liang Court Shopping Mall would bring in such fortune?
sighs.
oh and yes, i'm such a happy bunny yo!
i finally got my suspenders from Topman, balls.
oh and i have laid my hands on a bloody good book from Borders.<3
bloody shiok saturday night out, toots.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
i can't figure out what is worse off right now;
remembering the memories that made me smile
ORrealising that they're so far away & not being able to remember them.
"dates" with chad michael murray can be such a bitch.
Friday, October 13, 2006

I always had a thing going on for chingchong boys;
so if ever I were to find one, he must posess a certain look.
(read: above shown)
But please spare me from those chinese lads who would deem a karaoke
date at K-BOX as something with a romantic notion in it. >.<
I'd love a chingchong man whose ideals are much different from mine;
it would add such a mysterious appeal to him.
Something worth knowing, Something worth the time.
ahhhhh! Damn them intellectual chinese lads.As they would say, this entry sounds too dreamy. pfft.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Last saturday evening was spent with the best friends;
we went window shopping, tied balloons around each other,
screamed at ongoing pedestrians, waved sanitary pads around Borders,
squealed at hot strangers & spurred vulgarities right when we feel like it.
So, the haze worsened which somehow made us feel uber restless.
We decided to have a chill-out session at Starbucks as always.
Now as many might have known, i'm quite a clumsy kid as it is.
While walking to our designated chillout area, my elbow knocked
right on the head of this white guy who was engrossed in his book.
I apologized over & over again, Fabian said I sounded like a Buddhist monk.
pfft, as if that made any sense. >.<
Anyways , right as the three of us were about to settle our useless bums
the white guy whose head I DID NOT purposely knocked into
came up to us & asked politely if he could take a picture with me & Joot.
Why, we jumped right at the opportunity because we're bloody friendly.
OR.
you could add that probably his deep blue eyes hypnotised us there & then.
whatever makes you sapiens comfortable & happy lah.
So Joot lorve being the most friendliest amongst the three of us,
she invited the white guy over to our table to just have a light chat or so.
A light chat lead to almost three hours of full laughter & sarcastic remarks.
Other passerbys/strangers were staring at the four of us;
I could say that we were pretty much the loudest & it didn't help that
Vittorio (the white italian lad) had a very deep & loud booming voice.
Nonetheless, i still find it sexy. what can I say?
White guys will always seem so much intriguing than normal asian men.
(no offence, balls. just speaking my thoughts.)
vittorio had to leave singapore right that night back to his homeland, Milan.
exchange of emails & accompanying him way back to his hotel before we all
headed for dinner at BlendInn Cafe where we met the rest of the gang.
what indeed suprised me about the night with Vittorio was that
he had never been to sentosa throughout his five day trip &
he hasn't even stepped into any of the clubs here in Clarke/Boat Quay.)=
p/s: Vittorio owns a boutique in Milan, which explains his shopping
expedition here in Singapore. He was bringing home some samples.
Fabian, Me & Joots promised to bring him around the quirky places
right when he visits this clean country (or so he claims) here again. <3

Fabian is going to shoot me dead because I think he's bored hearing
me say this over and over and over again the whole night........
*drum rolls*
VITTORIO CALLS ME RIHANNA LA EH.
-blush blush, shy already how lor like this-oh and he added before he left;
" for your information, italian dudes adore Rihanna."
with a wink & a kiss on my hand, he walked right into Meritus Mandarin.
oh, what bliss!



I adore my girls. God bless me, I do.They're the ones you can call at 12 am & scream, "CB! I GOT PMS SIA."
and their instant reply would be?
"PMS OR WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT?!"
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Jet's "
Shine On" is set on repeat mode in my itunes playlist.
let's sing with me, sapiens.
that if the moon had to run awayand all the stars didn't wanna playdon't waste the sun on a rainy daythe wind will soon blow it all awaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy.............we will meet again one day.nabey la.
the
cute chingchong guy who sells the orgasmic iced tea milk at Fareast
has finally talked to me.
-shy shy oready, how lor like this?-he said it was too sweet without ice.
he gave me that crinkly smirk when i said i lorved it.
he said he couldn't sleep when he drinks half of the iced tea.
he said i was crazy enough to be able to sleep.
he said he always sleeps at 5am.
he said bye bye to me & said he hoped to see me again.
and once again, he left me with that crinkly smirk.
arrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh.
how to sleep tonight without grinning to myself?
but i still think he has a girlfriend already.
never mind lor.
eh somehow tonight i miss NOT talking to jim greco.
where are you, dumb dumb rat?
only you can make me laugh when i feel so down. pfffffffffft.
my entry's about boys today; lyer's gonna strangle me dead.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
My first real kiss?Somewhere on the couch right after a sumptious feast
that he conjured up as a suprise for me on our fourth date.
Cliche as this may seem, I felt the world coming to a standstill.
Just him, me & the slight sounds coming from the television.
I love how he knew he can get away with teasing me about
my red cheeks/cute sniggers which ended up with me snorting away.
My heart did random somersaults each time his breath brushed my lips;
he just had a thing for whispering/talking silently in between kisses.
Sometimes he pulled away when I'm immersed in the intimacy of it all
but i knew........
I didn't want to tear myself away from his grasp, I just needed to hold him.
i cried last night, finally after months of this self-consumated strength.
i've been trying to guard myself from calling out for him/messaging him/
calling him/sending endless letters/holding on to distant memories.
but last night was the final call;
his friend randomly added me on friendster ( i don't even know this guy?!)
and so i browsed through the pictures & i caught glimpses of him.
he's jolly happy, he seems gay and he's having fun.
he still plastered that hesitant smile which i loved about him.
he still had his skateboard by his side & his ipod earpiece in his ears.
he was still the same old guy i had fallen in love with;
so why am i changing to be someone i'm not?
i've given him more credit than he deserves;
i'm such a silly creature.
so i thrust the knife right into my heart while i twist my senses out.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
i have been a jolly old gay bunny these few days;
late night outs, prata seshies, break-fast outings, sheesha-ing.
oh and i just remembered.
HAPPY EIGHTEENTH TO MY BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE EFFING
WIDE WHOLE BLOODY UNIVERSE!
i lorve you teo joo ting & i adore you fabian tan zhi yi. <3
screams, "We're hitting ze clubs tonight yo!"
Friday, October 06, 2006

How do you manage to bring out the vulnerability in me;
when we barely even know of each other's existence?
I'm scared shitless.
I vowed never to confront my fears, let alone allow a single soul to do so.
And here I am being such an avid reader of your Eljay.
Crying away because with every word you wrote,
it spoke my thoughts; thoughts I usually pushed to the back of my mind.
I fear what I feel and what I'm afraid to feel.
Thereby the reason why I pushed every dread away by guarding myself.
So please for fucksake,
close down your eljay/stop penning my thoughts/just go away.
actually it's not even his fault. i'm just allowing a stranger to make me strip my emotions free.good or bad? i don't know. i don't want to open up, i just refuse to. geddit?And the worst part is;
He's a non-conformist & a post hardcore activist.
We don't even share the same bloody ideals;
I'm a girl who used to be so judgemental & would incessantly
complain about the horrific sight of such people on the streets.
I think my friends can vouch for that especially Vinodhen.
And now I intend to swallow my words back as of today.
I never expected that the last person on Earth who would have
understood me most and allowed me to open up honestly;
would be a stranger I've never heard of/approved before.
Thursday, October 05, 2006


Mother,
Waking me up at 9am in the morning has caused your daughter
to blow a major bitch fit as of today, pffffffffffft!
(for shitsakes; i slept at f-ing 6 am, all thanks to a friend who unintentionally
serenaded me to Richard Marx's on his keyboard.)
oh by the way; you sounded good nonetheless, Satan. :p
OK,back to the cause of me looking like a grumpy old fag now.
my mother has always seemed to make it a point to buy her Hari Raya Kuih;
at local bazaars or ordered them through her baking-enthusiasts friends.
So why in the name of our SweetLovingGod did she decide
to bake them her ownself this year,
oh with none other than the help of her gorgeous & hardworking daughter?
rrrrrrrrriiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhttt!
my cousin who slept over said i look like an assfark when i wake up;
in simple laymen terms; i think he was trying to say that i was cute. HAHAHA.
gee, cut this girl some slack! i need some pride-boosting seshies now & then.BLOODY RANGER!
i definitely need a new pair of boxers when i was looking at this peekture.
this Quiksilver ones seem so ragged;kinda makes me lose my sex appeal.
>.<Anyone up for a boxers expedition with me anytime soon?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006

everyone commented that i looked like i was smoking opium/weed.
after much scrutinizing, i'd have to somewhat agree.
p/s: sheesha can be quite dope-ish sometimes, yo.
ANDpolytechnic lads could sound rather cheap at 4am by the sidewalk.
i can't believe Mirz tried to offer himself for ten cents;
that fag of an asswipe. :p
i suppose he was wasted.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Aundrea Aurora Fimbres gives me the shivers;
She's such an effingly gorgeous Hispanic doll, yes?
Oh & I just read that Aundrea has an obsession with boxers.
As we're on the topic of this men-jiggies,
I need new ones badly; they're what you deem as my nightwear.
Honestly, i don't find women in lingerie or nightgowns a turn-on at all.
The definition of looking sexy for me is when;
a girl is donned in menswear in bed i.e. boxers, boyfriends' oversized teeshirts,
long boys' socks, trucker caps, no bras and any other yada yada yadas.
see?
whoever becomes my husband will be such a lucky ma' farker.
and i meant soulmates, not boyfriends or flingies.
boyfriends aren't entitled to this privileges;
why give them pleasure when all they do is break hearts?
and don't worry;
i'm not going to start on one of my anti-love campaign yet again.
i'm retreating to bed thinking of Giselle & Aundrea as for now.
Monday, October 02, 2006


THANK YOU;to belle francis for being such a wonderful director in assisting me.
to farahana wolfe for being a fantastic co-host.
to my fellow fcuktards for travelling all the way to give me support.
to joot & lyer for being there, my constant source of comfort.
to sarah & richie rich for quietly being there, your presence was all i need.
to the brothers Mike & Charles Basa for their funny presence;
(oh and it helps that i have a major crush on Michael, that is. HAHA.)
to Tammy for the gorgeous eye-makeup,& nachosfreak sessions with me.
to Evangeline for being such a gorgeous doll; "mega cute?"
-winks-thank you & i truly am grateful for the support given.
the performance went beautiful; even better than i expected.
what made me realise the whole shenanigans was worth it;
a mother came along with her three year old daughter to personally see
me because her daughter requested to shake my hand & kiss me.
to her, i was her fairy in her make-believe world. =)))
and for this; it became one of the reasons why i always loved acting.
To be able to give such an impact on one's life; even if she was 3 yrs old.
night-time came; the weariness kicks in & i start thinking in bed.
what if he had been there?
would he have been proud of me?
questions rang in my head; answers i'll never have.
i still remember clearly the words that were uttered a year ago or so;
"believe in yourself. i know you want this to be called yours; so why stop?i'll be right behind you. even if you fall, trust me. i'll catch you;go for this ema.drama has always been the saviour of your life; fuck everything else. go for yur dream & if nobody believes in you... i'll still be your number one fan."and with that,
i just realised why i never stopped loving him a year after the separation.
because as hell, he believed in me like no other sane being has ever done.
fuck it!
let's get on with life, uh? no use mulling over it, siti ema binte sulaiman.
sometimes when you love someone hard enough, that does not mean
the person will reciprocate it.
and with that once again, you just have to be ok with it.