tell me a reason not to; and i won't.

The signal is subtle
click on the flowers on the right for easier navigation

We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Monday, October 02, 2006

THANK YOU;
to belle francis for being such a wonderful director in assisting me.
to farahana wolfe for being a fantastic co-host.
to my fellow fcuktards for travelling all the way to give me support.
to joot & lyer for being there, my constant source of comfort.
to sarah & richie rich for quietly being there, your presence was all i need.
to the brothers Mike & Charles Basa for their funny presence;
(oh and it helps that i have a major crush on Michael, that is. HAHA.)
to Tammy for the gorgeous eye-makeup,& nachosfreak sessions with me.
to Evangeline for being such a gorgeous doll; "mega cute?" -winks-

thank you & i truly am grateful for the support given.
the performance went beautiful; even better than i expected.
what made me realise the whole shenanigans was worth it;
a mother came along with her three year old daughter to personally see
me because her daughter requested to shake my hand & kiss me.
to her, i was her fairy in her make-believe world. =)))
and for this; it became one of the reasons why i always loved acting.
To be able to give such an impact on one's life; even if she was 3 yrs old.

night-time came; the weariness kicks in & i start thinking in bed.
what if he had been there?
would he have been proud of me?
questions rang in my head; answers i'll never have.
i still remember clearly the words that were uttered a year ago or so;
"believe in yourself. i know you want this to be called yours; so why stop?
i'll be right behind you. even if you fall, trust me. i'll catch you;
go for this ema.
drama has always been the saviour of your life; fuck everything else.
go for yur dream & if nobody believes in you...
i'll still be your number one fan."

and with that,
i just realised why i never stopped loving him a year after the separation.
because as hell, he believed in me like no other sane being has ever done.
fuck it!
let's get on with life, uh? no use mulling over it, siti ema binte sulaiman.

sometimes when you love someone hard enough, that does not mean
the person will reciprocate it.
and with that once again, you just have to be ok with it.